I Tried, I Really Did, But I Just Prefer My Hair Curly

When I was in my early 20’s I used to get approached my men once, maybe twice daily. I think most women tend to have a similar record, it’s the way of the world I suppose. As I’ve got older and a lot of people my age started pairing off and living together or getting married, I noticed a gradual decline in the interest from the male of the species. Again all quite natural.

Ever since I got married however, this little ring on my finger has served as the ultimate man repeller, literally. Not that I care at all, you understand, it’s a relief not to have to tell a stranger that I am not interested in what they have to offer.

On occasion a guy will start to talk to me then almost immediately notice the ring after which he will quickly conclude the conversation while looking around nervously for any sign of ‘the husband’. Amusing to watch.

Very occasionally though I will meet a guy who will either not notice the ring at all or notice it and not care enough to stop trying to pick you up. I generally get flattered and offended in equal measure on those occasions. Today I met such a man.

I was with Jasi at the shopping center (the mall to the American’s among you) trying to get to a shoe shop before it closed when I was stopped by a guy. I forget how the conversation started but he quickly brought it round to my hair demanding to know what I was ‘mixed’ with. When I told him I wasn’t he just tried to dig deeper. Your grandparents? I shook my head. Your great grandparents? I shook my head. Not even a little Indian? I shook my head. Oh well you must have those hair growing genes then.

Well unless my mum has a confession, I am full black with African parents (specifically Kenyan). Black people come in all shades. But the ‘genes’ comment from this guy just tells you the state of black community in the UK today. Majority of women here still believe that crap and feel resigned to wearing weaves and bootleg lace wigs while relaxing bone straight then ignoring their own hair underneath. Sad.

What was surreal about this experience was first off I was talking hair with a guy and secondly, he didn’t seem to care that I was with my daughter and my husband was walking over to where we were! Even though I was trying my best to remain polite he seemed determined to get contact details from me.

When Otis arrived looking him over suspiciously, he was all smiles and ‘Hello man, I was just asking your wife is she is mixed race . . .’ LOL, it was a cringefest.

Anyway, in the end after insisting that he had a cousin who would love information on how to grow her hair long, he got my card (website address only of course) and in the end I had to race to the shoe store before it shut it’s doors.

Well, on to hair related stuff. After a standard wash day last weekend (clarify wash & protein DC with heat for 30 minutes), I decided to stretch my hair with a hair dryer in an effort to finally try and wear the stretched undefined hair that I spoke of in this post.

End result? All I can say is that ish does not work for me! My hair was big and pretty for sure but I soon noticed there are a few things wrong with that whole deal.

big undefined natural hair

1. My hair got dry way too quickly – No definition = no clumping and for me, clumping is a crucial component of keeping moisture in my hair for longer.

2. It tended to want to bunch up around my shoulders. I would leave the mirror thinking ‘I can do this!’ But an hour later I would be back there thinking ‘Why won’t this hair just sit right?’

3. The roots reverted the very same day after exerting myself on the treadmill which caused sweating from my scalp. Understandable but still a very poor return for the amount of effort I put into blowing it out.

4. It plain felt impossible to handle. Try going out in the wind with big undefined hair. A short 30 second walk to the car resulted in troll doll hair, literally. Pieces of my hair were ignoring gravity and standing on end. If all my hair was doing this then that would have been fine, it’s called an afro, but when it’s just a few pieces? Not attractive.

I tried, I really did, but I just prefer my hair curly and my reasons I think are quite genuine:

Curly defined natural hair

1. Curly hair is soooo easy! I just braid the length and curl the ends while damp after a wash and that’s it for the next week or 10 days.

2. Better moisture retention because of clumping (as mentioned above).

3. Bouncy hair that swings and sits right. It’s all to do with clumping again, when my hair is clumped, the weight of the strands makes it fall as I want it to.

4. I’m no longer fighting humidity. My hair is allowed to shrink up to shoulder length like it naturally wants to, the only difference is that this is controlled shrinkage, not the uncontrolled kind that leads to ssk’s.

5. It’s cute. Ok I’m not saying that big undefined hair isn’t cute but I simply like curls better.

I worry sometimes that admitting that ‘I prefer curls’ will bring the natural nazi’s out of the woodwork with accusations of being self hating or brainwashed but I know that I’m not. I love my 4a texture and now that I know it inside out, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I haven’t got the thickness required to wear twists as a hairstyle (thickness is actually genetically determined so I can’t do much about it), my wash and go’s cause too much tangling, I don’t like wearing my hair in updo’s and mini braids are out of the question these days because of the amount of time they take to install and take down. I’m very limited in my natural hairstyle choices.

The way I see it, there’s nothing wrong with keeping curly do’s at the top of my styling repertoire alternated with other styles. Actually, it’s been a while since I did a puff so maybe I might try that after the next wash before returning to the old faithful braid and curl.

Have a nice weekend all!

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  • Your hair looks great stretched and unstretched, but it seems like the curls have more pros for you. If your hair love it then go with it girly! Oh and the story about the guy trying to pick you up was hilarious. I wish I could see his face when your husband showed up. ha ha!

    • Why thank you Andrea! Of course I reserve the right to change my mind in the future, it’s a woman’s prerogative isn’t it, but for now I think I will stick with the curls.

      PS – The thought of my husband’s’ facial expression still makes me chuckle now. It’s one of those classic moments that will make a good story for the grand kids when I’m 86!

  • Rachael

    Lol; at the man story (not your hair)!
    The funny thing is when I’m with my husband, ‘hand in hand’ men still look very hard; and if his head is turned, then they’re giving me all this ‘eye contact’ – I end up turning away because I feel like bursting out with laughter.
    One day when I asked my husband, “Why do men still look,” when they can clearly see a ‘young’ lady with her other half, his answer was, “Bab, that’s how some men are, they just don’t care!”
    About your hair; it looks nice whichever way you do it, but honestly, I only answered your post because the ‘man’ story was funny. Now, I have to go back and read what you were saying about your hair (lol)!
    Stay blessed and have a nice day!

    • That’s terrible. Hand in hand and they are still checking you out! But yeah, I totally get what you husband is saying. They are just looking at the attractive young lady, they may not act on it but apparently gawking is allowed!

  • Nadine Fletcher

    I Love the Curls Alma and, I’m really enjoying reading this post. Been out of town for a little while.

    And saw all the goody posts from you that I missed while away having fun.

    Love that comment about the man trying to insist you must be mix race. Because of all that reallyyy

    long hair. It happens in the States as well. People still don’t want to accept that black women can

    grow really long hair. A Chinese lady in the Wig and Beauty Supply store went on and on about a

    young woman’s beautiful BSL hair. Back to the man trying to hit on you at the same time. He

    must have looked really Cheap! when your husband came on the scene. LOL.

    • Welcome back Nadine! The mixed thing really gets on my last nerve. Actually I let my fro shrink up a couple of days back and I will post a quick in the blog to show that I have ‘regular’ 4 type hair. Nothing mixed about me or my hair!

  • Leila

    Ha ha ha ha! That story almost made me fall off my chair! I can just imagine how awkward it must have been.

    • LOL. It was awkward like you wouldn’t believe!

  • JuliAna Beautiful

    LMBO that is hilarious love the story Alma you look gorgeous I’m sure the mall rat was trying hard to pick you up LMBO. I have to agree with you I definitely love mu curls. When I’m in a protective style I can’t wait to see my hair and when I do I’m sooooo happy and in LOVEEE WITH MY NATURAL CURLS AND YES LOVE THE WAY IT CLUMPS TOTALLY AGREE!!

    • Thanks hun! It was hilarious!